i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
