My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize