that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
