im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
do herpes really smell.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
