Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
