Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
