I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
