I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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