this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
