so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize