I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
