We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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