so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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