He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
