i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
