U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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