I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
