So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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