i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There r osticjed everywhere
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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