y did u give ur computer a hand job?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and she was petting her beer can
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
