yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
