moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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