guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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