I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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