Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize