I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
