ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
