I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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