I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
