Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
