his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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