People in love make me want to vomit
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
