she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
