My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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