I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
