When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
