I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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