I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
