She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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