I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
