Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
