normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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