that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
