everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
