I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize