I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
