see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
