Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
