I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
