I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
