I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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