There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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