I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
