You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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