just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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