if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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