is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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