So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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