You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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