Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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