zippers are such a cool invention
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize