you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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