idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
