So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
