I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I pour the whiskey from now on
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
